User blog:ATinyFloatingWhale/The DND Blog
So in chat we started a DND match and that escalated into this blog. Gonna be a huge DND game open to any number of users. Starts today with weapon selection. Players MSV (died at the hands... er... heads... of Aspect of Tiamat) Joe Nikki Meth 4 Speed Flare (Engulfed by flames after Michael Jackson did things to him) Fire II (ripped apart by Michael Jackson) CW Nick (head exploded when used as a battering ram) IV (decapitated by MJ's hat) SuitWithADude (killed by dire wolves) Weapon Selection Step 1: Through a nonbiased, preplanned weapon selection system, you will determine your only item of defense. Below in the comments, pick a number between 1 and 20 to "roll" your D20 and I will give you your weapon. Do not choose the same number as another player. First come first served. SuitWithADude rolled first choosing the sword with #2. Nikki went next and got the axe with #13. MSV was not so lucky and got the bottle of ketchup with #3. Four rolled #17 and got the poison dart blowgun Left 4 Speed went after him and got the spatula with #5. Flare became a magician after rolling 19 and obtaining the Fire spell MetalFire went after him and picked 1, giving him a Gauntlet. CW chose 15 and got the leaf blower. Joe picked 9 and got the boomerang Nick has rolled 10 and gotten the spear The Game Rules: I will give you all scenarios and the first person to comment on said scenario will be the course of action taken by your group. Okay All of you have been knocked out and placed in a dark room, with every one of you spooning another. Someone with a perverted mind has brought you here. The room is illuminated by a torch about a football field away. You hear a bizarre otherworldly sound in the same direction. What do you do? (DudeWithASuit commands the group to advance towards it) The sound was the growling of the dire wolves, surrounded by the dead bodies of Killer and Robuscus. In the corner however, you see a dark figure with his amazing mustache slightly illuminated by the torch. The figure let's out a battle cry... "WHAT'S UP BITCHES?! It is I, Theodore Roosevelt" He let's out a whistle and an armored horse approaches. One of you will have to die to save the others. The first one to comment will decide who dies. (Nikki sends out Nick to die) Nikki pushes Joe out of the crowd into the path of the horse, charging towards him. All seems lost for Nick until he remembers that he has a spear. Throwing it and jabbing the armored horse, it collapses. Nick is now pissed at Nikki for trying to kill him, but there are more pressing matters at hand. Teddy stands in awe and three of you must attack him and his dire wolf army. Choose which 3 attack. (Nikki gets DWAS, Flare and herself to attack) Roll for weapon power on a D6. The percentage of powers are on different numbers and each number must be different for each weapon. (Nikki rolls a 6 for 65% damage, DWAS rolls 4 for 0% damage and Nikki rolls a 2 for Flare giving him 50% damage) The three of you charge with your weapons. The dire wolves are prepared to eat more human genitalia... I mean flesh. Flare the wizard advances first and casts his fire spell. With only 50% damage, the wolves are slightly injured. DudeWithASuit goes in next and hits a wolf, breaking his sword in two. Now defenseless, Dude is attacked. Nikki goes last with the axe and slices off the head of a wolf. Teddy mounts the other one and whips out his machete, charging at Nikki with the anger of a 2012 Republican party campaign. Dude is lying with the other bodies, still barely alive, and Flare's spell is not that great. What do you do, Nikki? (Nikki slices off the wolf's leg with the axe) The Wolf stops abruptly, flinging Teddy into the furnace to your right. GOODBYE, BITCHES is the sound heard through iron clanging and searing business suit. The Wolf also expires. Nikki grabs the torch and finds a key and chest. Will the chest contain a med kit that can save DudeWithASuit, or will he be the first to die? Roll a D4 to determine the contents. (Joe comments, and Speed rolls a 3) Speed has doomed DudeWithASuit and got a Blue-Ray Copy of Frozen from the chest. Suit is the first in your group to die. Sorry, Suit. Comment to determine what your party will do next. (Joe throws the copy of Frozen onto the floor due to a lack of DVD player) The case cracks and a piece of paper flies out with the following message: HOW MANY TIMES ARE THEY GONNA REWRITE YOUR STORY?! YOUR POWERS HAVE BEEN BORING SINCE THE NINETEEN FUCKING FORTIES! It is a completely illegible and indescribable message. The paper has a map on the back leading to the center of the dungeon, and many ominous figures on the path. Do you follow it or trust your own instincts? (Joe harvests the remnants of DWAS's sword to use later before stuffing the map into his pocket) The path on the map takes you to a door to the left. You try to open it but it's locked. Do you bust it open with a weapon or look for a key nearby. (Joe grabs Nick and uses him as a battering ram) Nick ' s head explodes as a result of clanging repeatedly against the iron door. The latch opens, but your party is another man down. The room seems totally empty. Do you advance with the torch? (Left 4 Speed commands you to march) The torch let's you see around the room and illuminates this motherfucker. This thing is called the Black Dragon Lurker. He can fly, bite off your face, breathe fire and tear you inside out with his 8 - inch claws. Who do you want to attack? (Speed tells Nikki to advance) Nikki moves forward with her axe. Using a random number algorithm, I will determine how it attacks and for how much power. 1. Claw 2. Fire 3. Bite The number generator gave a 2, so the dragon will breathe fire. Roll a D6 to determine the axe ' s blocking capability. (Speed rolls a 4) The axe blocks 65% of the fire. Dark Magician Girl's face is slightly seared but not a lot of damage was done. Now roll for attack power. (Speed rolls a 2) Nikki swings at the dragon and misses. The Dragonball jumps into the air as Nikki lifts her heavy battle axe. It flies towards her. Do you send out a distraction and save the awesome Nikki or let her die? (Joe throws Speed out to be attacked) Roll for the power of the dragon's fire. (Speed rolled 4) The dragon inflicts 50% damage, knocking Speed to the ground but not killing him. Nikki comes up behind the distracted Dragon and swings as Speed whips out his dick and does the helicopter to confuse it. Roll for power. (Speed rolls 2) Nikki hits for 50% power. The axe becomes stuck in the neck of the dragon, killing him. His skin is so thick that the axe cannot be pulled out. Nikki will have to advance without a weapon. Joe whips out his... map And points to the path on the left, leading you to another door. This one slides open with ease, and the room has lights on. In the center of the room is a motherfuckin ice cream truck. Do you approach? (Speed decides to approach with weapons at the ready) You get to the door of the truck. There is nobody in but plenty of ice cream inside. Do you go in? (Joe throws Fire into the ice cream truck) Fire hops up and searches all the drawers in the truck. Suddenly, a long arm with a white glove reaches out and grabs him, strangling him and tearing his face off while singing "Don't stop till you get enough". Michael Jackson is haunting this ice cream truck. Fire has been killed and MJ leaps out of the truck and begins thrusting in your direction. How do you attack? (Joe sends out Four to poison him) Roll for accuracy on a D10 (Joe rolls an 8) Four blows the dart gun, but Jackson swerves out of the way. He grabs his hat and throws it like a Frisbee, the brim slicing off Four's head. Another life has been claimed. Only 6 remain. The King of Pop begins to advance towards you singing Thriller and thrusting in your direction. Do you run or fight? (Joe leads the group away from MJ) The six of you hide in a tiny crevasse in between MJ'S somewhat pedophilic ice cream truck and a hole in the wall. You can feel MJ getting closer, singing in that white-black voice. Do you try to open the hole with your weapon or stay and fight? (Joe sends out Flare to attack while he uses his boomerang to break the hole) (Flare uses his magic to torch the shiny glove) Joe, your boomerang splits in half because you are trying to crack a stone wall with a boomerang, idiot. Flare, roll for power. (Joe pockets the boomerang pieces to use later along with the sword pieces) (Speed commands the group to fight) The group backs up Flare, and he prepares to cast the fire spell on the glove. Roll for power. (Joe rolls a 5) The fire spell does 69% damage, lighting the glove on fire. However, Jackson does not need to take it off for the fire cannot melt his plastic surgery. He attacks with the flaming glove, punching Flare in the face and burning him. His face is seared and his hair has caught fire like he was in a Pepsi commercial. There is nothing in the room laying around to extinguish the flames. What do you do? (Joe commands Flare to headbutt him to set him more on fire) It only makes his suit look awesome. He pulls Flare into the ice cream truck. You can hear the sound of a belt buckle, screaming and flames engulfing Flare's body. Flare is as good as dead. Do you attack while MJ is vulnerable or make a run for it? (Joe sends L4S to secure the truck with the spatula) Speed jams his spatula into the lock of the door, keeping Michael Jackson inside. He will surely starve, as the ice cream will melt and he will have no more children to rape. There is a locked door in the back. It is the only way to stay on the path. How do you open it? (Joe gives Speed the blowgun and picks the lock with Dude's sword piece) You reach a fork in the path. There is a golden door to the left and a wooden door to the right. Which way do you go? (Joe sends CW to the golden door and MSV to the wooden door to investigate) CW hears nothing out of the golden door, and there is a faint, breathing sound in the wooden door. What now? (Joe tells MSV to open the door) This door does not require a key. The low breathing you saw turns heavy in an instant. It is a dragon with a red head. Nikki walks in with the torch, and the breathing intensifies. The torch illuminates a second head. And a third. And a fourth. And a fifth. The beast is still asleep. Do you aim for the golden door or step inside? (Joe pushes the rest of the group back and gives MSV one of their torches. He sends MSV in to look for a way round the dragon. MSV backs up with a bottle of ketchup handy and wonders if life screwed him over like this on purpose) MSV slowly approaches the behemoth as the group tries to sneak around. He has his ketchup at the ready. However, CW steps on one of the five tails. The red head opens its giant eye, alerting the other dragons to wake up in response. The beast rises and sees MSV in his sight. The five heads blow a combination of fire, frost, electricity, poison smog and plague. MSV has died faster than Justin Bieber's career. However, your party finds the door. There is no key required because if you defeat Aspect of Tiamat, you deserve to pass freely. But there is a treasure chest in the next room and no key. But Nikki remembers that under one of the feet, she saw a Golden key. The dragon is guardian to the prize inside. You go back and must fight the dragon who is going back to sleep. Do you all attack or go with a specific player first? (Speed commands the party to fight the sleeping lizard together) You walk to the dragon as its five heads are all asleep. You must walk very slowly and quietly to avoid awakening him. You're doing great... Until CW steps on a potato chip. The sound awakes the beast. It rears back in anger as you hear a clinging sound, and you discover it is bound to a chain. The Dragon starts by breathing fire on your party. Roll for Four people's blocking capability. Category:Blog posts